Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
whose parrot is this?
Randomize
