we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
