I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize