She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
