how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
These tits shall not be calmed
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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