I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
