Whod you bang
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
