dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
