So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
My liver just broke up with me...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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