bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
