Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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