I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
