M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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