I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
