i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
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I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
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I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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