I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
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