it was like his penis was on wheels.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
