Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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