Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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