shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
