Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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