i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
