census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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