whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We have started to decorate penises.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
