That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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