were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
