i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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