i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
