Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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