Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
