doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
