I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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