Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
