ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
