your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I could make wine with my vomit
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
