I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
