I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
where are my eyebrows?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
