Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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