We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
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no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
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That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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