Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
