4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
