I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
