Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
