i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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