im six kinds of drunk right now
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
