and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
my shit smells like andre
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
