Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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