Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
