; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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