I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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