My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
