He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
