sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
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He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
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Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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