dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Randomize
