I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
