life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
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Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
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I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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