does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
