I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
