Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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