Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
