why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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