she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
