so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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